Tonight's ChatMS was all about intimacy. I appreciate all of your support and participation, feel free to comment or copy/paste for your own blogs!
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Q1: On a scale of 1 to 5, how comfortable do you feel talking about Intimacy?
I'm married and generally very open. I rate at a 5!
Q2: Many people have different definitions of intimacy. What does it mean to you?
Intimacy to me means the ability to open up to a person in more than a casual or surface manner. It is not always sexual or romantic; I have few intimate relationships in my life, I am an open person but I am not easily trusting after one of my most precious relationships fell apart. It has new meaning to me now, especially in regards to MS, because it can and will impact every single relationship one has.
Q3: MS can have effects on Intimacy. Have you noticed changes since your diagnosis?
Yes - a few. I wrote a blog post about this earlier last week; it's difficult to feel welcomed to discuss my MS by people at work or church because they don't understand it. I had some more sexual dysfunctions as well, which I will address in later questions.
Q4: Have you and your partner discussed how MS can affect Intimacy?
Yes - we have had to have tough conversations about what this means for me, and how things might change in our relationship. We had to really buckle down and decide if we wanted to have children. It meant I had to breach the subject with a few friends - and I mean few. Many of the people I consider to be 'friends' still don't know I have MS - not that it matters, but I feel it's an important part of understanding why I make certain decisions.
Q5: MSers have more problems with ‘sex’ than a person who doesn’t have MS. Do you struggle with this?
Yes and no - I noticed a big drop in my libido shortly after being diagnosed, and when you are numb in areas from the waist down, it absolutely affects your ability to enjoy sex. I was depressed and very tired - it never felt like a good time, and this came right after a period where my libido was at an all-time high and our sex life was excellent; it was quite a setback.
Q6: ONLY if you are comfortable, what MS related symptoms have you noticed during times of physical intimacy?
The biggest one was an effect on my orgasms. For me, a climax affects my entire body - it isn't just localized in one 'place.' Instead, I can feel contraction and blood rushing all through my legs and torso, which enhances the experience. When I couldn't feel my leg or part of me pelvis, it really impacted my libido and my ability to enjoy sex when we had it. I was terrified that it would ruin our intimate time together forever. Thankfully, that ended. Now the only thing affecting our sex life is the weird experience of pregnancy.
I swear, I need to write a book - Pregnancy Sex: The Final Frontier.
Q7: How do you deal with the symptoms of MS and Intimacy? Have you talked to your neuro about it?
Just like anything in a relationship, communication is key. I have to be honest with my husband about do and do not feel ready for. I didn't discuss my sex drive with my neurologist then, but she was very perceptive and put me on anti-depressants. It was a lifesaver, though my Lexapro negatively impacted my climaxes as well for a while.
It's so refreshing to know that this is not an isolated problem, especially because it is likely addressed by some physicians as being a side effect of depression and nothing else. Don't let what your physician tells you be the only thing you learn - do research, ask others, be accountable for your healthcare!
Keep the conversation going! Participate weekly in #ChatMS on Twitter and FB!
MSloan
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