Uncertainty

Well, not much to report.  No change.

I am fairly certain that I have an enterovesical fistula - which means there is a passageway between my bowel and my bladder.  This could explain all the weird urinary symptoms, with the absence of actual UTI.  I think it's a little bit odd that they did not find air during CT (which is the telltale sign of EVF) - but all my other symptoms seem to fit.

I'm doing an at-home experiment as a result, called the poppyseed test.  It's exactly what you think.  I eat a shit ton of poppyseeds (luckily I have a total addiction to almond poppyseed muffins) and watch to see if I pass any poppyseeds from my urethra over the next couple of days.

I am fortunate that actually passing small things from my urethra no longer causes me unbelievable pain - it's now only slightly uncomfortable for the most part.  I do occasionally have more pain, but it's few and far between.  Wish I could say that things were healing, but my urine keeps changing and getting darker.  I'm peeing blood again.  So today it's not really getting better, but how I feel is getting more tolerable.

Wish I could report that my MS was totally chill right now - I'm hating the fact that my leg spasticity seems to be on the rise.  Every morning when I stretch my right leg, it cramps up.  It's likely just a side effect of everything from the steroids (which keep me awake, give me heartburn, make my voice scratchy, yadda yadda).  Prednisone is seriously no fun.  Can't wait to be finally tapered off - only about seven more days!!

My life feels like I am at another set of crossroads.  It hasn't even been a year since I totally bailed from my first real job.  I loved that job, but there were so many things wrong with that location.  I just could not stay there any more, waiting for the ship to sink.  I felt guilty and terrible.  But it wasn't right.

Well, I feel like this just isn't right.  It can't be right.  I don't belong here!

There's gotta be something better than this
There's gotta be something better to do
And when I find me something better to do..
I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna get up, get out, and do it!!

Love, MSloan