WTF?!

It didn't work.

This post may be TMI.  But if you have ever had a colonoscopy, you will understand.

The bloody stuff didn't work.

The stupid, nauseating, saccharine, thick, disgusting stuff that I drank A GALLON OF didn't work!  I went to my colonoscopy and wasn't cleared out!  I stayed up all night, got 30 minutes grand total of sleep, and woke up panicked and super anxious.  I was terrified they would turn me away and say they couldn't do the procedure today.  Somehow I knew.

I got to the hospital alone.  My husband dropped me off but had to take our kid to day care.  So I walked in, by myself, and rushed up the stairs because he doesn't understand the meaning of "haste" when I told him I wanted to leave the house by 6:40 - not just barely leave by 6:50 and get there right at 7 AM.  I wanted to be there early so I could breathe.  NOPE.  Instead they kept commenting that my blood pressure was high.  No shit!  I was having a panic attack that everything I had just done for the last three days was worth nothing - the reduction in food, the liquid diet for 24 hours, and the dreaded "colon prep."

What a bloody nightmare.

The upper endoscopy was very uncomfortable, even painful.  I do remember it, though it isn't super vivid, thank goodness.  I didn't feel like I was choking, just that I had some painful thing stuck down my throat.  I even remember the little bit of colonoscopy that they did complete before they told me that my bowel was unclean and they had to abort - that did hurt.  But I basically passed out right after that.

I woke up with my doctor telling me they needed to reschedule the colonoscopy.  I am only grateful that I was able to get the upper endoscopy done today so it was not a complete waste of my time, energy, or money, as you forfeit the copay when they have to abort the procedure, because you're paying for all the prep and sedation.  Nightmarish.  And I have a meeting, a very important one, in two days.  I am terrified that this will get in the way of all my new plans.  I cannot have these issues right now!  I am not even 30 years old, for crying out loud!

Now, next week, right after Valentine's day (and highly unlikely that my husband will get laid), I have to start TWO days of completely clear liquid diet and drink TWO gallons of the nauseating stuff.  It is by far the worst part.  That stuff.... let me tell you, I am a very picky eater, so being forced to down something that disgusting is pretty much my WORST nightmare.  I would do anything for a pill instead, or a hundred pills.  I would even drink 20 ounces of water every half hour if I had to, but not this stuff.  I am just psyching myself out now that it won't work again, too. 

What in the world is wrong with my body that I can take FIVE laxative tablets and drink an entire gallon of colon cleansing electrolytes and end up with basically nothing to show for it?  Here I am, 24 hours after I began taking that stuff (which is supposed to start working within the hour, and totally clear your bowel out by hour 6) and I am still passing....well, it isn't clear, let's just say that.

I feel so tired.  So sick of being sick.  The fistula between my bowel and bladder is now leaking the disgusting fluid from the loose stools induced by that stuff.  But I am so panicked that next week I will have the same problem that I'm tempted to go on liquid diet until then.  Right now I'm going to pretend I'm eating like I just had my wisdom teeth out.  I won't be taking any of the vicodin, because that can cause constipation, and I wonder how much of that is my issue now.  The sluggish movement of my bowel might very well be part of this problem - and it may not be Crohn's at all.

She did get that endoscopy done, and took biopsies of my stomach and small intestine.  Miraculously, my small intestine looked normal.  My stomach was "inflamed."  I don't know what any of that means and can't find much, other than it might possibly be H. Pylori (the ulcer bacteria). 

Pray for me.  Pray for my bowels.  And pray that between now and next week that my insides move fast enough that I can get this damn test done and move on with my life!

MSloan