Bye bye, right eye

I am... more than a little bit disappointed.  Well, I guess disappointed isn't the right word.

I feel mislead.

I feel like I have been told from the get-go that pregnancy increases remission of multiple sclerosis, especially as the pregnancy progresses.  Every resource I've looked at talks about the wonders of pregnancy during MS, even if there is an increased likelihood of relapse shortly after birth.

As if that prospect isn't terrifying enough, and has implications about breastfeeding that not a single person talked with me about it, I am having serious relapses while pregnant.

The first I wrote about a few weeks ago; my feet went numb again.  This is very clearly an MS symptom and not due to pregnancy, because I am not heavy set in the slightest, and otherwise have not gained enough weight to cause that sort of symptom.  Usually, that is brought on by water retention and compressed nerves due to weight gain.  I did feel carpal tunnel pain and tingling in my hands, but that was long before I had the feet numbness.  Even when I first found out I was pregnant, I had a symptom that I call 'short circuit,' where I would touch a certain part of my arm and I would feel it somewhere else.  VERY weird.  Like, touch your arm just below your wrist and imagine you are feeling it at your elbow.  Makes you constantly slap your arms thinking you have a bug on you when you're just eating or writing.

Well, now I have had another serious symptom.  I can't see out of my right eye.

Now, it's not like I haven't had this type of thing before; I had optic neuritis shortly after my big relapse in February of 2014 and it was incredibly painful.  Shortly thereafter, I went to Las Vegas for a medical conference, and all lights had halos - it was certainly strange, and I did have double vision intermittently.  But by the time I got home, it seemed to be relatively normal.  I had an optic/cluster headache earlier this year, but thankfully didn't have any visual disturbances.

This time, there is no pain.  I have a headache daily because of my pregnancy and it feels different from my typical tension headache.  This one is more likely hormonal or dehydration, which I try to battle as much as I can.  Optic Neuritis pain is specifically over the affected eye and not a single drug will touch it.  So, for the most part, I am thankful that this one has no pain.

Thursday evening, I was at the grocery store after work when I noticed that something just didn't look right.  I think I took my glasses off at least five times to clean them, to no avail.  I got home and sat at my computer uploading to my Society 6 account and still felt like something didn't look right.  I went to my pregnancy class and thought, "well, maybe it's the lighting in here."  I came home and things still didn't look right, but the best way to describe it was an afterimage of a bright light - like when someone takes a lot of pictures all at once.

Friday morning I woke up and while I was in the bathroom, I noticed that I couldn't see to my right.  I turn to my right to get tissue and my earplug.  Nope... all fuzzy.  I didn't even wash my hair - I was afraid that my retina was detaching because I felt no pain and I also had been seeing intermittent bright lights when I raised my hands over my head.  If I had any other job, I would have stayed home.  Fast forward a few more hours, the dark area got bigger and bigger, and now at least a quarter of my vision on the right is totally shot and distorted, while the rest just feels 'off.'  After a visit to the opthalmologist (who I couldn't get to understand the nature of my problem), we finally agreed that it was retrobulbar optic neuritis, related to my multiple sclerosis, and not my pregnancy.

This sucks.  This SUCKS.  If you were to draw a square, the entire left/bottom quarter is essentially missing.  In one eye alone, this isn't the worst thing in the world.  But when I look with both eyes together, this region is in the middle of my vision, and it's very distracting.  When things move in this area of my vision, it looks like static.  My eye is working okay, it's my brain that's all screwed up!

I can't do the usual steroid treatment because I am pregnant.  I feel so helpless.  Like, what should I do?  What will happen?  It seems to be getting darker.  I don't know if it's getting bigger.  I don't know how long it will take to get better.  Thank God I am left-eye dominant and look into people's ears on the opposite side.  This is just ... unfair and ridiculous.  I feel lied to, mislead, and angry.  I'm 20 weeks pregnant with a little girl, I have bigger fish to fry, immune system!  Why have you not calmed down yet??!!

Oy.
MSloan